Photo from weheartit.com
By Julio “Ebeneezer Scrooge” Avila
It’s February, which means it’s time for groundhogs, presidents, the big football game I can’t say because I don’t want to risk getting sued, and this year- leap year, with a 29th day this month.
It’s also a time when people tell their significant others how much they love them while showering them with flowers, candy, big stuffed teddy bears and other details synonymous with this holiday- Valentine’s Day.
A day when couples go out to dinner, present each other with the aforementioned gifts, go to the movies, drink and do whatever else. A day when your typical wanker becomes even more of a malaka that he or she has to say “I love you” on one specific day out of the 365 days, or this time, 366, days this year.
Don’t get me wrong, if someone wants to do this, then by all means go for it. By that logic, I might as well say “I love you mom/dad” on Mother’s and Father’s Days.
If there were such a thing as the apocalypse, Valentine’s Day would mark it and should be its epitome. What other day is like burnt flounder with a marzipan coating? A fire extinguisher filled with gasoline? A Grace not under fire? A Maude who’s not uncompromising, enterprising and is tranquilizing?
Am I to believe that Valentine’s day is sacrosanct? What other day shares the same chicanery? Valentine’s Day, with all the soon-to-wilt flowers, soon-to-rust jewelry, high fructose corn syrup-ladened candy and when Fido will eventually make that four-foot teddy bear his chew toy.
But I digress. However, these top four “happy” Valentine’s Day videos will speak for themselves:
4) Valentine’s Day Toys
What could be better on Valentine’s Day than the little ridiculous toy gifts to give? Some small and cheaply made, but expensive enough that in the end, manufacturers will be happy with your indirect gift- money.
3) The Sweet Mockery
Just like the holiday which is “artificially created,” the same goes for the candy. By God, nothing says “I love you more” than sugar and high fructose corn syrup. High blood sugar- so romantic!
2) “That Day Them Companies Want You to Spend Money on Tat….”
Well, I pretty much explained the money-spending side of the holiday, but here’s an even more elaborate explanation. Also, funny to know the traditions behind the holiday. Who knows, your next love may be a hobo. Spend a romantic night under a bridge!
1) Need I Say More?
I think this explains itself. Now you might be wondering why this video is in first place? Because actions speak louder than words, and in the case, the action is doing all the talking and is summing up all that needs explaining.
So now, go off and celebrate this holiday if you’d like. Do as you please, and buy that hobo some cologne and make sure your dental plan covers sugary negligence.
Happy Valentines day!…Ba-Humbug!