Stephen Stakey, Marching Band Member, Dies at 19
By Rohma Abbas Stephen Stakey, 19, a freshman, collapsed at Stony Brook's annual Roth Regatta on May 2 and was later pronounced dead. “He has died for unknown causes and the case has been referred to the medical examiner’s office,” said Jeffrey Barnett, assistant dean of students. Barnett said that once the case is referred to the medical examiner, the cause of Stakey’s death becomes a family issue. “It’s the family who is the recipient of the information,” said Barnett. “If they choose to release that info to the university, but unless they do so we will not know what the findings of the medical examiner’s report is.” Stakey, a member of Stony Brook's marching band drumline, was a participant in the Regatta. He collapsed between 2:30 and 3 p.m., according to Barnett. The Stony Brook Volunteer Ambulance Corps (SBVAC) was on the scene when Stakey collapsed, according to Barnett. “[They] responded immediately,” said Barnett. “Steven fell directly in front of the SBVAC team. He fell directly where the ambulance was. So the response was instantaneous.” He was pronounced dead later that day. “We’re not sure why Steven died,” said Barnett. “The band has been grieving significantly this past week.” Almost immediately, a Facebook group titled “R.I.P. Stephen Stakey 5/2/08” was created in memorial of Stakey. Since then, 803 members have joined. Friends posted their thoughts and feelings on Stakey's Facebook wall. One friend, Rachel Anderson, a marching band member, wrote on his wall the day after his death: "Stakey-- I miss you so much, and you've only been gone less than twenty-four hours...this message is such a downer... I love you so much Stakey, and I'm sorry I never told you enough; I'm sorry i just assumed you'd be there. All I can hope is that you understood how much everything you did and were to me meant everything in the world. I was talking to Chris, and it feels like every time we laughed (at least this semester), or ran around like lunatics for some reason--you were there, sharing in a memory. I hope that at 64 with alzheimers, I get to live in forever :) You have been the most amazing friend to me, and I will never forget it, I love you and miss you Stakey..." Stakey was valedictorian at Mattituck High School, and a computer science major at Stony Brook. Six days before his death, he published a note on his Facebook profile reflecting positively about his past two semesters. “I'm sitting here looking at the "Make the Most of It!" countdown timer I have on my dashboard, which reminds me that I have 19 days, 11 hours, 6 minutes, and 3 seconds until I am done with my last final -- May 15, 10:30am,” the ending reads. “Next to it, I have one that reads 113 days...yup, it's set for the beginning of the drumline band camp.” Below, Assistant Dean Barnett and Matt Petrucci, Stakey’s close friend, remember him. Submitted by Matt Petrucci Stephen Roy Stakey was my best friend throughout all of high school. We used to compete constantly for grades. I'd get a 97 and he'd get a 98 and it was always just like that. He'd always be just a little bit better than me. Eventually I got lazy and stopped competing, but we were still best friends and we still worked together on projects. I shared almost every class with Stephen and almost every project. Even though it was schoolwork we always had a ridiculous amount of fun because we were hanging out while doing our work. Like Stephen, I'm profoundly capable when using computers, and although I was not at his level, we could talk about pretty much anything computer or technology related and be able to hold a conversation with each other. To everyone around us we were speaking gibberish as we threw out acronyms like “s.c.s.i,” “s.a.t.a,,” p.a.t.a.,” and “a.d.d.” while having our every day conversations. My greatest memory of Stephen again revolved around his diligence in school and my ability to find random things to do after school. Our history teacher at the time, who was a very cool cat, would spend the first 20 minutes of class telling us a story from his life and had nothing to do with the class, but he still managed to teach us all the material for the rest of the class in the remaining 25 minutes of class. Stephen took notes on the stories the professor told us about his life because he said they might be useful someday in our own lives. One day I said to Stephen, “get your notebook, we're going on an adventure.” "What? Where?" he asked me. “We're going to find out," I said. We hopped in my car and then we proceeded to read his notes on our teacher’s stories. We find in the notes that he lives by a certain beach we know, so went to the beach. He also mentioned he lived by another teacher who’s house we knew the location of, so we went there. The teacher mentioned he had a croquet field in his backyard and a basketball hoop for his son. We were certain we had found the right place when we saw the silver Impala sitting in the driveway that replaced the 300,000 mile green Volvo with holes in the floor that we had heard about in the stories. We then went up to the door at five in the afternoon, knocked and sat down with our teacher and talked to him for two hours about all manner of things. This is my best memory of Stephen because it was a combination of our two most profound character traits: his diligence in his schoolwork and my random spouts of inspiration that bound our friendship together tighter than all others. Stephen used his intelligence as a tool to break down bridges between people. He was a very shy guy, but if he saw a situation he could help you in he'd overcome his shyness and help you out. If you had a cell phone that Stephen knew he could hack, he would approach you and offer to hack your phone and give you free wireless Internet or multimedia texting, even if he didn't know you. That is the kind of guy Stephen was. Someone who would push himself out of his comfort zone to help someone else that he didn't know and might very well never see again. I have never met a kinder, more giving, and more intelligent person in my life. He was our valedictorian voted most likely to succeed. Unfortunately life didn't turn out that way, but I'm certain if Stephen had lived the world would have changed greatly for the better. Matt Petrucci graduated from Mattituck High School along with Stephen Stakey in 2007. He is currently a freshman at Northeastern University in Boston, MA. By Jeffrey Barnett Stephen was a young man of tremendous talent, intelligence, and good nature. Stephen demonstrated quiet, steady and exemplary leadership. He was by all accounts an exceptional person and a young man of great compassion, creativity and humanity. Stephen was very much the heartbeat of the Stony Brook marching band. A talented percussionist, he played the biggest drum in the band and was responsible for setting the pace that 70 of his peers would follow. Stephen also did so outside of the musical context and within the marching band and greater Stony Brook community. He led by example, in the classroom and beyond, and was responsible for setting the stage for some of the band's most cherished and memorable moments. Stephen's affection for the band was strong and well known. We know that in so many ways, Stephen helped the band "come into being" - that is, develop as a strong and unique community. In part because of this, Stephen was the recent recipient of the Stony Brook Athletic Band's "Unsung Hero Award, Honorable Mention" at it's Spring 2008 Awards Banquet. We hope that in at least some small way, Stony Brook enriched his life as well. The campus community is deeply saddened and grieves with a heavy heart at the loss of one of our brother's. Stony Brook students, faculty and staff have demonstrated an unyielding level of compassion and care to each other and outpouring of support to the Stakey family. Counseling services were made available to the campus community through the University Counseling Center and Center for Prevention and Outreach. A vigil was held on Saturday night which was attended by students from various groups and communities of which Stephen was a part. The University arranged for several buses that transported students and faculty/staff from the university to attend services in Stephen’s home town. But we are also grateful for every way that Stephen contributed to making our lives richer and the ways that he has helped us understand how absolutely important community is in general, and how important we at Stony Brook are to each other. The way the campus came together seems a fitting celebration of Stephen's life and way to honor that for which he stood. Compiled by Nathan Shapiro |
